Unless
you’ve been living under a rock, or completely off the grid, by now you have
undoubtedly heard of Fifty Shades of Grey.
The best-selling trilogy written by E.L. James is hugely popular…so
popular Hollywood snatched it up and has brought it to the big screen. I have read the books and now that I have
seen the movie as well I thought I would jump on the commentary bandwagon. I will warn you though….you might not agree with
my thoughts about the books or the movie.
If you are
looking for me to tell you NOT to read the books or NOT to go see this movie
you should just stop reading this right now. I am of the opinion that you can
make up your own mind as to whether you want to read the books or see the movie
– you don’t need me telling you one way or the other. What I will tell you is what I think about
them. You can agree or not.
I have to
admit that I didn’t read the books when they were first released. It’s not the typical genre that I read as I
usually choose murder mysteries instead.
But after so many were talking about it I had to see what all the hoopla
was about. The books were ok…not
great…just ok. The writing was not the best – but they were never intended to be
literary classics. And to be perfectly
honest I was a little surprised at the sex in them. No surprise right? Actually wrong! From all I had heard I expected the books to
be full of sex – extreme sex – they were being called pornographic after all - yet
the majority of the books was just typical romantic dribble. Now don’t get me wrong…the sex that was in
them was pretty intense…but I really expected it to be all throughout from the
way everyone was talking about them.
I read the
books and put them aside really not thinking too much about them until they
started casting for the movie. Wow, did everybody have an opinion on that! Once
casting was complete and filming started the controversy with the movie really
got amped up. It seemed that everyone had
an opinion on it. Either people were
complaining about the casting choices or preparing for a wild night out or
campaigning to get it shut down. Regardless of which side you might fall on I
can assure you that all the controversy has been great for the books and for
the movie. As they say…there is no such
thing as bad publicity.
The movie
stars Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey and Dakota Johnson as Anastasia (Ana)
Steele. According to the website www.imdb.com this is what the movie is about:
Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets
handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey. (Here’s the IMDB link…IMDB - Fifty Shades of Grey)
I have read
A LOT of stuff about the books and movie.
From Facebook statuses, to comments, to blogs, to articles….a lot of
people have opinions about this one…and most of the opinions are pretty strong
one way or the other. Many of the things
I have read have been writers trying to convince people to NOT go see the
movie. The funny thing about that is
that in almost every one of these writings the writer had NOT read the books
yet proceeded to express an opinion about them – even saying that the books
were poorly written. And no, I’m not
assuming that they didn’t read the books – they actually say that in their
articles. How can they possibly have an
opinion on the way the books were written if they didn’t read them?
I even read
one article from a journalist that had the chance to see an advance screening
of the movie but had not read the books beforehand. Some of the things she specifically
complained about being in the movie were straight from the book (like Ana
biting her bottom lip all the time). Why
would that not be in the movie? It was
an important part of the books – and had this journalist read the books she
would have known that.
In many of
the articles I read it was stated that this series teaches people that it’s
okay to be a cold, sadistic, person as long as you are good looking and
rich. True, Christian Grey – the main
character in the series, is in fact good looking and rich. He also happens to enjoy sadomasochism (or
S/M) sex. Does this fact make him a
sadist? To some people apparently it
does.
According to
www.dictionary.com the definition of
sadist is: A person who has the condition
of sadism, in which one receives sexual gratification from causing pain and
degradation to another. A person who enjoys being cruel. I agree that Christian definitely receives
sexual gratification from causing pain – but it is not done by causing
degradation. There is nothing degrading
about the way the acts are performed because there is nothing done without
consent.
For those
that have actually read the series it’s obvious that Christian Grey is not a
cold, sadistic, individual. He may be a
little unusual and definitely has different sexual tastes than most….but Ana
knew exactly what she was getting into BEFORE she had sex with him. She agreed to the conditions he outlined with
no promise of financial gain. And the
series shows in depth how this type of relationship can have negative results
as well. Their relationship (or
Christian’s prior relationships) may not be something you are interested in
getting involved in or it may be against what you believe in personally or
spiritually….but when it comes down to it Christian and Ana are both adults and
entered into a consensual relationship with each other with a complete
understanding of what was to be expected.
The only time Christian hit Ana was as part of a sexual act in which she
was told exactly what was going to happen and had a “safe word” to use if she
wanted it to stop. So technically, she
was ALWAYS the one really in control. If
Christian were a true sadist he would have committed acts of actual abuse on
Ana, acts such as beating her, kicking her, throwing her around, or telling her
she was worthless. Christian doesn’t do
these things to Ana. He clearly outlines
what will happen…she agrees…and then it happens….all for the purpose of sexual
gratification.
Some articles
have stated that the series does not promote love or romance but instead
promotes sex purely for pleasure.
Really??? Have these people even
read the books?? Never mind…we’ve
already established that they haven’t.
In this series Christian and Ana do not have sex outside of a committed
relationship. No, they weren’t married,
but they had an agreement with each other that was stronger than a lot of
marriages I know of in the “real” world.
Christian may not have done a lot of stuff that some people consider
romantic…but he did what he thought he was supposed to. He bought her things – clothes, expensive
dinners, a car! – isn’t this what happens in a relationship? You provide for your partner right? He took her on exciting adventures (like in
his plane) all the while wooing her. Is
this not what romance is? You find out
what your target likes and you do what you can to woo them into the
relationship.
I heard
someone compare this to prostitution.
Yes, Christian buys stuff for Ana.
Doesn’t that happen in all relationships? She wasn’t given these things on the
condition that she have sex with him. He
gave her these things because he wanted to have a relationship with her, sex
only being a portion of the relationship.
He wanted a commitment – not just a one night stand like is fairly
common amongst many today. I couldn’t
tell you the number of people I hear talking about how they just want to “get
laid” with no intentions of having an actual relationship with the other
person.
The
relationship with Christian and Ana was not one sided either. Ana was not just a subservient slave to
Christian. She didn’t put up with
anything she didn’t want to. She let him
know when something made her uncomfortable. She worked with him on his issues
and helped him deal with his Fifty Shades state and heal and grow as a
person. Isn’t this what you are supposed
to do in a relationship?
Some claim
that Fifty Shades of Grey teaches guys that they can do whatever they want to a
girl and she will just take it. Once
again – the one’s that say this must have either not read the book or
definitely interpreted it differently than I did. When it seemed as if the relationship was
over she felt like her heart was being ripped out BUT that doesn’t mean she was
going to just accept things as they had been.
She demanded a different relationship and he conformed. This does not mean that they no longer had a
S&M sexual relationship – that wasn’t where the real problems were. Even when Ana worried on occasion that their
relationship had become “too vanilla” for Christian to be satisfied, she still
wasn’t willing to back down from her limits and what she expected from the
relationship. The relationship did
change though. It adapted to what was
best for both of them. Again…isn’t this
what is supposed to happen in a relationship?
Aren’t all successful relationships full of adapting and compromising?
And all the
complaints that this series, including the movie, is loaded with sex to make it
a best seller… well of course it is. Sex
sells people. That’s been proven
forever! It’s nothing new for Fifty
Shades of Grey. Sex is everywhere. It’s
in books (including the Bible). It’s on
TV. It’s in the movies. And I don’t
think that’s going to change anytime soon.
If this is a problem for you then don’t participate in it. Don’t read the books. Don’t watch the movie. But don’t judge me because I do either.
I, like many
others, did not read the books because I am missing something in my
relationship. I did not read them
because I am missing something sexually or emotionally. I read them because I wanted to. I read them out of literary curiosity. Now that I’ve read them does this mean that I
want my relationship to be the same as Christian and Ana’s? No…but if I did,
really, whose business is it? Can I not
enter into whatever type of relationship that I want to with my husband as long
as we both agree on it?
There are
many that say that reading these books or seeing this movie is not supporting
your spouse…that you are dishonoring the relationship you are in. I may be a minority in this but I just simply
don’t believe it. As a matter of fact I
discussed the books with my husband. He
went with me to see the movie. It
doesn’t mean that we in turn felt the need to change our relationship to be
more in line with Fifty Shades of Grey.
Anyone that
knows me knows that I think everyone has a right to make their own
decisions. If you want to read these
books – read them. If you want to watch
the movie – watch it. If you don’t –
then don’t. But don’t just assume that
because I have it’s going to somehow take over my psyche and change me into
what I have read about or seen. I
absolutely love Vin Diesel. My husband is
completely aware of this. My fascination
with Vin, or any other good-looking man, does not mean that I intend to cheat
on my husband. I’m fascinated with
mysteries – but that doesn’t mean that I have any intention of murdering
someone. I love horror movies, the more
gore the better – but that doesn’t mean that I plan to run around chopping people
up with chainsaws or want to experience it actually happening to someone else. I read a lot of different types of magazines
and books – but it doesn’t mean that I want all of what I read to play out in
my real life.
It’s called
entertainment people. Books, TV, Movies,
and Music are all forms of escape. They
are meant to be watched for entertainment purposes – to give yourself a small
break from the hustle and grind of your real life. Sure, sometimes I wish I could jump into what
I’m reading/watching/ listening to…but I can assure nothing that I read, watch,
or listen to is going to convince me to do anything I don’t really want to do. In my opinion, anyone that is so mentally
pliable that they can be easily swayed to take actions they wouldn’t normally
take because of a form of entertainment (including a video game) needs to work
on their mental fortitude. If a work of
fiction can alter their stance on issues then they are likely to be in danger
of blindly following anyone or any movement.
Know where you stand. Know where
your limits are and stand firm by them.
But don’t judge me or others because we have different limits than
you. And DON’T force your limits on me
or other people.
As for my
grading of the movie itself…it was ok.
Certainly not the best I’ve seen but absolutely not the worst I’ve seen
either. It stuck close to the first book
in the trilogy and ended leaving me anticipating the adaption of the second
one. The actors performed exactly as I
expected. Sure the story is a bit weak…I
already knew that…remember I read the books.
But in my opinion the movie is a success. It is erotic (as
expected). It is definitely NOT
pornographic. It’s for people with an
open mind. It’s for people who just want
to be entertained…therefore it’s for me.
And as an added blog bonus...here's a interesting read sent to me by a good friend:
