Saturday, February 14, 2015

Fifty Shades of Cray Cray!!!


Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or completely off the grid, by now you have undoubtedly heard of Fifty Shades of Grey.  The best-selling trilogy written by E.L. James is hugely popular…so popular Hollywood snatched it up and has brought it to the big screen.  I have read the books and now that I have seen the movie as well I thought I would jump on the commentary bandwagon.  I will warn you though….you might not agree with my thoughts about the books or the movie.

If you are looking for me to tell you NOT to read the books or NOT to go see this movie you should just stop reading this right now. I am of the opinion that you can make up your own mind as to whether you want to read the books or see the movie – you don’t need me telling you one way or the other.  What I will tell you is what I think about them.  You can agree or not.

I have to admit that I didn’t read the books when they were first released.  It’s not the typical genre that I read as I usually choose murder mysteries instead.  But after so many were talking about it I had to see what all the hoopla was about.  The books were ok…not great…just ok. The writing was not the best – but they were never intended to be literary classics.  And to be perfectly honest I was a little surprised at the sex in them.  No surprise right?  Actually wrong!  From all I had heard I expected the books to be full of sex – extreme sex – they were being called pornographic after all - yet the majority of the books was just typical romantic dribble.  Now don’t get me wrong…the sex that was in them was pretty intense…but I really expected it to be all throughout from the way everyone was talking about them.

I read the books and put them aside really not thinking too much about them until they started casting for the movie. Wow, did everybody have an opinion on that! Once casting was complete and filming started the controversy with the movie really got amped up.  It seemed that everyone had an opinion on it.  Either people were complaining about the casting choices or preparing for a wild night out or campaigning to get it shut down. Regardless of which side you might fall on I can assure you that all the controversy has been great for the books and for the movie.  As they say…there is no such thing as bad publicity.

The movie stars Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey and Dakota Johnson as Anastasia (Ana) Steele.  According to the website www.imdb.com this is what the movie is about: Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey. (Here’s the IMDB link…IMDB - Fifty Shades of Grey)

I have read A LOT of stuff about the books and movie.  From Facebook statuses, to comments, to blogs, to articles….a lot of people have opinions about this one…and most of the opinions are pretty strong one way or the other.  Many of the things I have read have been writers trying to convince people to NOT go see the movie.  The funny thing about that is that in almost every one of these writings the writer had NOT read the books yet proceeded to express an opinion about them – even saying that the books were poorly written.  And no, I’m not assuming that they didn’t read the books – they actually say that in their articles.  How can they possibly have an opinion on the way the books were written if they didn’t read them?

I even read one article from a journalist that had the chance to see an advance screening of the movie but had not read the books beforehand.  Some of the things she specifically complained about being in the movie were straight from the book (like Ana biting her bottom lip all the time).  Why would that not be in the movie?  It was an important part of the books – and had this journalist read the books she would have known that.

In many of the articles I read it was stated that this series teaches people that it’s okay to be a cold, sadistic, person as long as you are good looking and rich.  True, Christian Grey – the main character in the series, is in fact good looking and rich.  He also happens to enjoy sadomasochism (or S/M) sex.  Does this fact make him a sadist?  To some people apparently it does.

According to www.dictionary.com the definition of sadist is: A person who has the condition of sadism, in which one receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another. A person who enjoys being cruel.  I agree that Christian definitely receives sexual gratification from causing pain – but it is not done by causing degradation.  There is nothing degrading about the way the acts are performed because there is nothing done without consent.

For those that have actually read the series it’s obvious that Christian Grey is not a cold, sadistic, individual.  He may be a little unusual and definitely has different sexual tastes than most….but Ana knew exactly what she was getting into BEFORE she had sex with him.  She agreed to the conditions he outlined with no promise of financial gain.  And the series shows in depth how this type of relationship can have negative results as well.  Their relationship (or Christian’s prior relationships) may not be something you are interested in getting involved in or it may be against what you believe in personally or spiritually….but when it comes down to it Christian and Ana are both adults and entered into a consensual relationship with each other with a complete understanding of what was to be expected.  The only time Christian hit Ana was as part of a sexual act in which she was told exactly what was going to happen and had a “safe word” to use if she wanted it to stop.  So technically, she was ALWAYS the one really in control.  If Christian were a true sadist he would have committed acts of actual abuse on Ana, acts such as beating her, kicking her, throwing her around, or telling her she was worthless.  Christian doesn’t do these things to Ana.  He clearly outlines what will happen…she agrees…and then it happens….all for the purpose of sexual gratification.    

Some articles have stated that the series does not promote love or romance but instead promotes sex purely for pleasure.  Really???  Have these people even read the books??  Never mind…we’ve already established that they haven’t.  In this series Christian and Ana do not have sex outside of a committed relationship.  No, they weren’t married, but they had an agreement with each other that was stronger than a lot of marriages I know of in the “real” world.  Christian may not have done a lot of stuff that some people consider romantic…but he did what he thought he was supposed to.  He bought her things – clothes, expensive dinners, a car! – isn’t this what happens in a relationship?  You provide for your partner right?  He took her on exciting adventures (like in his plane) all the while wooing her.  Is this not what romance is?  You find out what your target likes and you do what you can to woo them into the relationship.    

I heard someone compare this to prostitution.  Yes, Christian buys stuff for Ana.  Doesn’t that happen in all relationships?  She wasn’t given these things on the condition that she have sex with him.  He gave her these things because he wanted to have a relationship with her, sex only being a portion of the relationship.  He wanted a commitment – not just a one night stand like is fairly common amongst many today.  I couldn’t tell you the number of people I hear talking about how they just want to “get laid” with no intentions of having an actual relationship with the other person.
The relationship with Christian and Ana was not one sided either.  Ana was not just a subservient slave to Christian.  She didn’t put up with anything she didn’t want to.  She let him know when something made her uncomfortable. She worked with him on his issues and helped him deal with his Fifty Shades state and heal and grow as a person.  Isn’t this what you are supposed to do in a relationship?    

Some claim that Fifty Shades of Grey teaches guys that they can do whatever they want to a girl and she will just take it.  Once again – the one’s that say this must have either not read the book or definitely interpreted it differently than I did.  When it seemed as if the relationship was over she felt like her heart was being ripped out BUT that doesn’t mean she was going to just accept things as they had been.  She demanded a different relationship and he conformed.  This does not mean that they no longer had a S&M sexual relationship – that wasn’t where the real problems were.  Even when Ana worried on occasion that their relationship had become “too vanilla” for Christian to be satisfied, she still wasn’t willing to back down from her limits and what she expected from the relationship.  The relationship did change though.  It adapted to what was best for both of them.  Again…isn’t this what is supposed to happen in a relationship?  Aren’t all successful relationships full of adapting and compromising?

And all the complaints that this series, including the movie, is loaded with sex to make it a best seller… well of course it is.  Sex sells people.  That’s been proven forever!  It’s nothing new for Fifty Shades of Grey.  Sex is everywhere. It’s in books (including the Bible).  It’s on TV.  It’s in the movies. And I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.  If this is a problem for you then don’t participate in it.  Don’t read the books.  Don’t watch the movie.  But don’t judge me because I do either.

I, like many others, did not read the books because I am missing something in my relationship.  I did not read them because I am missing something sexually or emotionally.  I read them because I wanted to.  I read them out of literary curiosity.  Now that I’ve read them does this mean that I want my relationship to be the same as Christian and Ana’s? No…but if I did, really, whose business is it?  Can I not enter into whatever type of relationship that I want to with my husband as long as we both agree on it?  

There are many that say that reading these books or seeing this movie is not supporting your spouse…that you are dishonoring the relationship you are in.  I may be a minority in this but I just simply don’t believe it.  As a matter of fact I discussed the books with my husband.  He went with me to see the movie.  It doesn’t mean that we in turn felt the need to change our relationship to be more in line with Fifty Shades of Grey. 

Anyone that knows me knows that I think everyone has a right to make their own decisions.  If you want to read these books – read them.  If you want to watch the movie – watch it.  If you don’t – then don’t.  But don’t just assume that because I have it’s going to somehow take over my psyche and change me into what I have read about or seen.  I absolutely love Vin Diesel.  My husband is completely aware of this.  My fascination with Vin, or any other good-looking man, does not mean that I intend to cheat on my husband.  I’m fascinated with mysteries – but that doesn’t mean that I have any intention of murdering someone.  I love horror movies, the more gore the better – but that doesn’t mean that I plan to run around chopping people up with chainsaws or want to experience it actually happening to someone else.  I read a lot of different types of magazines and books – but it doesn’t mean that I want all of what I read to play out in my real life. 
It’s called entertainment people.  Books, TV, Movies, and Music are all forms of escape.  They are meant to be watched for entertainment purposes – to give yourself a small break from the hustle and grind of your real life.  Sure, sometimes I wish I could jump into what I’m reading/watching/ listening to…but I can assure nothing that I read, watch, or listen to is going to convince me to do anything I don’t really want to do.  In my opinion, anyone that is so mentally pliable that they can be easily swayed to take actions they wouldn’t normally take because of a form of entertainment (including a video game) needs to work on their mental fortitude.  If a work of fiction can alter their stance on issues then they are likely to be in danger of blindly following anyone or any movement.  Know where you stand.  Know where your limits are and stand firm by them.  But don’t judge me or others because we have different limits than you.  And DON’T force your limits on me or other people.

As for my grading of the movie itself…it was ok.  Certainly not the best I’ve seen but absolutely not the worst I’ve seen either.  It stuck close to the first book in the trilogy and ended leaving me anticipating the adaption of the second one.  The actors performed exactly as I expected.  Sure the story is a bit weak…I already knew that…remember I read the books.  But in my opinion the movie is a success. It is erotic (as expected).  It is definitely NOT pornographic.  It’s for people with an open mind.  It’s for people who just want to be entertained…therefore it’s for me.

And as an added blog bonus...here's a interesting read sent to me by a good friend:


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